The lies they tell you in customer retention

I recently switched internet providers and I went from paying $140 a month for a gigabit(ish) connection to $119 for double that. I realize that for some non-Americans reading those prices, those prices might seem exorbitant. For my fellow Americans, they’ll probably just shrug, but what some Americans might not know is the US pays some of the highest ISP prices in the world. You can thank lobbyists for that, who due to b̵r̵i̵b̵e̵r̵y̵ donations, “encourage” our elected officials to pass oligopoly-friendly state laws which forbid local municipalities from offering ISP service directly to consumers, even though, for all intents and purposes, the internet should probably be treated like a utility.

In any case, there was much rejoicing in my heart when I saw the new company digging up ground laying fiber optic cables in my neighborhood. I patiently waited the few months it took for them to “wire” out the neighborhood and got on the wait list.

When the installation day finally arrived, the guy showed up, hooked up the fiber-optic box, added the drop point in my office, and off I was rolling. I did a speed test, took a screenshot, and sent this to my best friend:

I called the old provider the very next day to cancel the old service, because of course you couldn’t cancel it online. The conversation went something like this:

“May I ask why you’re canceling today sir? Is it faster speed, lower price, quality of service?”