My Prophetic Prediction of a Coming War

In the year 2037, the Swedes and the Norwegians will enter into a full-scale military conflict that includes a land, air, and sea war that is fundamentally caused by the bold and unprecedented theft of state secrets by the Norwegians.

On March 17th, 2037, Liam Andersen of Norway will be arrested by Swedish Defense Forces for breaking into The Royal Palace in Stockholm and successfully procuring the secret recipes for both Swedish Fish as well as Swedish Meatballs, and transmitting them back to The Royal Palace in Oslo. He’d almost gotten away with it, but was caught for “writing his name in the snow.”

“This unprecedented provocation threatens two of our largest national exports and thus fundamentally impacts our economy and threatens our way of life” Swedish Defence Minister Anders Nilsson will say. “We are therefore given no alternative but to retaliate.”

This conflict will last for exactly three months, a date which King Harald VI of Norway will assure has no relevance whatsoever to the beginning of the Scandinavian summer (when the Norwegians are historically known to party their Viking asses off.)

On June 17th (thereafter known to the Scandinavians as Juniteenth), the Norwegians will send an official delegation to Stockholm to negotiate the terms of peace. As a form of apology, that delegation will carry with them a huge container of salmon, ale, and bear fur, jovially delivered by partially inebriated Vikings upon traditional sailing ships.